Ramble On…..

Lymph node biopsies – benign / nothing to worry about. They’re enlarged and weird but not cancerous, so whatever.

Rheumatologist – sent me to the vampires. Basically said that based on what he’s seeing, from past pathologies and lab work, the skin issues are likely an immune response to the cancer. Apparently one of the lab tests he ordered can help confirm that. I won’t go back until after surgery. But he ordered eight tests, I think, and then took seven vials of blood. At least the lab tech was real good and got the vein on the first try!

I go on Friday for an ultrasound of my gall bladder. Which… I don’t know if I mentioned or not. But on the CT scan I had done, it showed some unusual density at the neck of my gall bladder, and the radiologist said to follow up with my PCP for an abdominal ultrasound to look at it. So that’s scheduled for Friday.

I’m looking for a new therapist. I’m not liking virtual appointments for a lot of reasons, and I’m not particularly liking the therapist I’m seeing. So I’m looking. Fingers crossed, because I need to find one.

But how are you, you ask. Well. I don’t know. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, I’m scared, I’m sad. I feel broken. I feel like the entirety of my being is failing me all at once. I want this stupid chunk of traitorous flesh out. I’m terrified of chemo. I feel helpless. I’m exhausted. I’m in pain. And I feel like all I’m doing is whining and wallowing. And that’s irritating and frustrating. And impacting everything. And I’ve done all I can do about it for now and am just …. waiting.

I hate waiting.

One thought on “Ramble On…..

  1. You have every right to feel all the feels even if you don’t know what you’re feeling. I’m here for you, but I wish I was there for you. Keep it real, my friend.


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