The Closer I Get….

Bonus points to whoever can guess the artist(s) behind the title. There’s probably multiple songs with those lyrics, but there’s only one in my brain.

It’s five days until surgery. I’m not nervous about the surgery – my surgeon is more than capable. It’s all the things that might / maybe / could come out of the surgery. It’s “what if the lymph nodes closest to the tumor are cancerous?” It’s “what if the margins aren’t clear when it’s removed?” It’s “what if those damn oncotypes are high?” It’s “what if we miss one of those damn cells and it moves itself out of radiation range?” It’s “what if taking the traitor out doesn’t actually help all the other crap happening with my body??” Sigh.

I did find another therapist to try, but I couldn’t get in until the 10th. Withs surgery next week, that essentially ruled out the entire week. So we’ll see how that goes. The bills are starting to show up. It’s about $3K so far, and I haven’t even started any type of treatment yet. That’s just all the diagnostic tests and imaging. And I have decent insurance! But, hey – deductibles and copays and other nonsense adds up. No, I do not need a GoFundMe and no, this is not a subtle way of asking for help. I can pay the bills. I’m just mad about it, because UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE SHOULD BE A THING.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I’m already looking forward to a mug of hot chocolate, my blanket, and my recliner – while watching the Macy’s parade. I have no idea what we’re doing for food yet, but the parade is a given. Broadway galore!

Logistics are set for my parents coming out for surgery. They’ll get here on Sunday afternoon, staying at a hotel just down the street from me. It’s an Extended Stay, so there’s a kitchenette and stuff so we don’t have to go out to eat all the time. I’ll stay with them Monday and Tuesday night after surgery, and then once they get me home and settled on Wednesday, they’ll head home too. Ya’ll cross your fingers that my mom and I don’t kill each other, k?

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